the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
