even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
