In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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