i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
