think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
