no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
