ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
