maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
