Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
