Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
