she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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