No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
