It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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