why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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