my phone needs a breathalizer
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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