I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my being single is dangerous.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
