..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
