is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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