3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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