after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize