my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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