I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
