I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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