i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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