then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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