hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
