This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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