He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
