You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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