All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
