Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
