it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
