His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
