I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
