JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
