somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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