don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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