the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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