Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
