first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
