Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
