WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
