I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
