Pappa wants mamma naked
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
NoShamevember. You game?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
