why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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