Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
