god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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