Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
