She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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