I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We smell like vodka and hangover
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