If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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