Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just pee around me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
