Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
