remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
