Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
