Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
