just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
