Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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