Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
