bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
