you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
