thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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