and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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