you guys were way drunker than both of me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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