I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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