Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
