do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize