i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We're too hungover to prance.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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