the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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